What if you launched a new search engine and nobody cared? Hey there. Jeremy Turner here, and I’m number one on bing.com. You know Bing.com, it used to be live.com, Microsoft’s search engine which nobody used, and now it’s been re-branded as something that makes even less sense and nobody will use. It’s tagline is that it’s a “decision engine” or some crap like that. Whatever. Good luck with that Microsoft. Also, your logo is horrible. Brand New reviews the horizontally violated Bing logo here.

Now I never really used live.com to search for anything other than my own name, but it looks like Bing has added images to the top of the search results that live.com used to provide. Who knows, maybe they’ve always been there. Anybody who used live.com previous to this “re-imagination” please leave a comment to set me straight. So to be clear, none of those images results are of me. I’ve done a pretty good job of keeping pictures of myself off the Internet. Yay for me.

One of my favorite images that came up when searching for jeremy turner had to be this one:

Jeremy Turner: There but for a handful of peyote buttons and a Rage Against The Machine CD, go I.

I know I’m sure the photo makes sense in context—well, as much sense as dressing up for historical reenactments can make, which in my mind is very little. Like most Americans who’s ancestors took the idea of Manifest Destiny way too seriously and ended up responsible for Oklahoma (both the territory and the musical) I can claim some Choctaw (or Cherokee) blood myself, however I am definitely not as dedicated to my heritage as this Jeremy Turner. Not sure I’d ever participate in a 18th century French or Indian War re-enactment, at least not without proper preperation and plenty of water. And, as if this guy wasn’t going to have enough trouble getting through airport security:

Our wars were no different than the war that the U.S. is engaged in now. We were just trying to keep the European invaders from destroying us and our homes. American Indians have been fighting terrorism since 1492!

OK. So while Jeremy here keeps it real, I am going to keep posting until I get to number one on Google. See you next time.